Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[Fresh Prince]

Relationship shit in here.

[Himu]

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[Beezy]

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[Shaka Khan]

^ Android copy/paste fail.

[Fresh Prince]

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[chronovore]

Married 14 years.

WOOT!

[Mupepe]

In about 30 days ill be happily married for two years.

[Robo]

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[Phoenix Dark]

Posts: 12682


Ji3eezy


Ignore
   
   
Re: RELATIONSHIPS: The thread of your life tied into a neat knot with the 'other'
« Reply #2 on: Today at 04:30:55 AM »
   
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[Van Cruncheon]

married 14 years come sunday. go me!

[Brehvolution]

Just passed the 10 year mark in married life.

[Don Flamenco]

so guys...tell me about married life.  any and all tips/experiences welcome. 

edit:  also, a lot of you seem to have Japanese wives-- did you guys ever have to do the long distance thing for an extended period of time (like 6 months or so)?  What did you do to keep it going?   Anything special besides long Skype conversations?

[Cerveza mas fina]

9 months with same girl who is good to me and def the nicest girl I have been with 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

9 months with the same girl though 

[close]

[bork]

Married for four years now; had our anniversary last month!

Not sure what the point of this thread is with random talk already available, really...

edit:  also, a lot of you seem to have Japanese wives-- did you guys ever have to do the long distance thing for an extended period of time (like 6 months or so)?  What did you do to keep it going?   Anything special besides long Skype conversations?

Everybody weeabooin'.

I met her over there when I was living abroad, and there's no way a long distance relationship would have worked, I think.  My wife lived about an hour away (via car) and we were usually able to see each other 1-2 times a week.  We never had a problem in our relationship, so we got married about a year and half after we started dating. 

I've noticed that over the past few years, she will at times act like a child and get angry over shit I don't think is worth worrying about, but I just remain calm in those situations and try not to make things worse.  Last night, for example, she got angry because I withdrew $40 last Sunday when I deposited a check, and meant to give her a $20.  I had already spent that $40 on various things over the last few days, and she was all pissed off that I didn't have the bill.  I was just went  and asked her what the problem is...it's not like she can't go to an ATM herself.  She goes "OK I WILL!  I WILL TAKE OUT FORTY DOLLARS HMMF!!!!  " and I just said "Uh..okay...go right ahead!   " and she calmed down. 

This type of stuff always seems to happen when it's that time of the month.   

[Mupepe]

so guys...tell me about married life.  any and all tips/experiences welcome. 

edit:  also, a lot of you seem to have Japanese wives-- did you guys ever have to do the long distance thing for an extended period of time (like 6 months or so)?  What did you do to keep it going?   Anything special besides long Skype conversations?

an oldie but goodie:

Don't go to bed mad.  Seriously.  It makes for an awkward morning where you're both over it but your pride is still on.  And with that, keep lines of communication open.  Don't start holding things in.  

That's all I've got, but maybe someone with more experience can chime in.

Edit: Also, pick your battles.  Some things you just gotta realize that's one of their harmless quirks.  You have them too.  That's not really marriage advice, more of generally living with someone advice.

[bork]

Edit: Also, pick your battles.  Some things you just gotta realize that's one of their harmless quirks.  You have them too.  That's not really marriage advice, more of generally living with someone advice.

Definitely.

[Mr. Gundam]

Been together eight years, lived together for six years, married for five years now.

[Trent Dole]

Hmm, been together for eight years, this October will make it two years of marriage.

[Phoenix Dark]

1 month 

[lennedsay]

3 years of married life this month, 5.5 years together. Always been pretty happy, minimal arguing and bullshit.

Tip: Marry someone you don't hate. It always seems to help the relationship.

[Mupepe]

I hate you len

[Don Flamenco]

I'll just spill my beans, I'm in an interesting situation.  I met a slovakian woman who lives in prague while I was over there studying this summer.  We hit it off while I was there and now we Skype a couple times a week, email every day, with no real signs of slowing down.  Long story short, we've got a shitload in common, we already get along better than most girlfriends I've had, and I think we're going to try this out.   We haven't officially been like "we're an item now!" but she hints towards wanting to talk about it and I put it off because we won't see each other until I go back there in December.  So yeah, I've got tix to visit there and she's got tix to come here the april after that.   We've still got 4 months to go and I'm trying to keep it very slow and simple, though I'm starting to get things that resemble love letters (or they straight up are and I'm just trying not to let it get to me haha.)  I sort of politely reciprocate, but I'm all about not letting the dam break until it has to right now.  I'm not cold about it, so I'm careful not to put her off...she knows I'm interested but that we've gotta get through this first 6 months before we can start talking about the future at all, imo.  it's going fast and easy thankfully. 

the thing is, if this happens, I'd probably move to Prague next summer (she doesn't want to move to the U.S. permanently, though she plans on getting a place here at some point, after she buys a place in italy...yeah, everyone's like "she just wants to get with an american lawyer" and no, she'd be wearing the pants in that sense.)  I probably won't be working somewhere where I use my law degree there.  Can't say I care that much because that's probably what would happen here too   I have other plans to get a librarian degree here so I could be a legal librarian (an actual position that requires both degrees), but I think I could put that off-- I've got time for one last spontaneous adventure. 

tl;dr: I may join the esteemed ranks of eastern euro-bore!  Shit, maybe I'll get teaching job there...prosim pochop!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

please understand, according to an online translator.

[close]

[Cerveza mas fina]

Cool stuff man. Prague is amazing

[Fresh Prince]

singledom

bs

I something something marriage something something not for me

[Don Flamenco]

Cool stuff man. Prague is amazing

yeah, even without the woman situation, I was considering moving there. 

[Cerveza mas fina]

I looked into jobs there but its all so low wage i wouldnt be able to save money.

[lennedsay]

I hate you len

Then we can't get married. 

[Bebpo]

RPGs are the best medicine for a broken heart.  Stat stat statting is rewarding, engrossing, and the stories are great escapism.

I need to rpg for a little before I get back to the dating scene ;_;

If you don't like someone dating is easy because when you drop them it doesn't hurt.
If you like someone then you are fuuucked when they drop you

But what's the point of dating someone you don't like?

[Bebpo]

I dunno, I've been really depressed for the last 2-3 weeks    Haven't been like this for about 2 years since my last heartbreak.

I may act cheery and say things but that's because I'm not very open and don't usually say what I really think.  Like in this situation I've agreed with everyone from the start.  I knew that it was stupid to keep chasing a girl who has no interest in me because she never will and it'll only make me more attached which just makes it suck more.  I knew I should just cut her off completely and walk away.  But it's hard when your heart is like hnnngggg everytime you think of her and you really want it to work.  I'm just bad at giving up and moving on.  I know exactly how this works because I was in a situation when I was 18 that was EXACTLY like this, 1 sided love for a girl who didn't have any emotional interest in me; it went on for an entire year; we hung out almost daily and spent all our time together and did a million adventures and sometimes slept together and it drove me crazy since I was always betting on the glimmer of hope that she'd come to care for me like I cared for her;  but she never did and one day I finally had enough and walked away and she came crying back and I said fuck off and then that was the last straw and she went to jesus instead and became a born against christian and has kept her legs shut ever since.

So yeah, I know exactly what I'm getting into and I've known for over 2 weeks now that I need to walk away, but I am weak and it's hard and it hurts and so it's not happening yet.  Instead I just live a depressed life with random moments of happiness occasionally when there's a glimmer of hope.  Maybe I'll have the guts to cut this off now;  I hope so; but it's hard because she keeps stringing me on.  I wish she'd be an asshole and say fuck off, but she's too polite and so she says it nicely in a way that seems like there is still hope.  It's tough.  I need courage wolf.

[Smooth Groove]

Bebpo, sounds like you need to spend more quality time with your hand. 

[Fresh Prince]

Bebpo it seems like you have your professional life sorted, I don't see why it should be so hard to get your personal life sorted as well. 

[Bebpo]

Because my heart is dumb and my mind is smart.  In most of life I follow my mind, but with girls I follow my heart.  My cock also has it's on 3rd party thoughts on girls, but I'm good at ignoring it.  Although the reaction I got tonight from this girl when asking on a date was that hehehe, you're too horny; which I found odd because does wanting to see someone in person that you haven't seen for a week+ really come off as pushing/desperate/too horny?  It's not like we're talking every day, I don't see the problem with wanting to see someone you like once a week.

[Fresh Prince]

It does if most of the time you end up having sex.

[Bebpo]

Really? 

Hmmm, see I'm not aware of these rules.  I figured people in their 20s/30s who were sexually active have sex pretty often, because face it, it's more fun to spend the night sleeping with someone than sit around alone on your computer.  I figured most NORMAL or casual couples were probably seeing each other/sexing at least a couple times a week (most girls say in a normal relationship they want to be having sex daily according to the questions online!), and thus once every week or week and a half was giving some space.  I guess I was wrong then; oh well.

I pretty much need to see someone I am intimate with at least once a week, because after about 7 days of not seeing them in person I get sad.  I guess I'm not independent enough or something.

[Fresh Prince]

Obviously both of you seem to have you wires crossed. She may seem to think you only want to meet her for a booty call or she's just choking your chain as a joke. It depends on what the context is. From what I gathered you want to meet her to get to know her and if that leads to sex so much the better. Edit but now it seems you just wanted a booty call. People generally tend not to like to be used as transparently as that. You should seek a therapist.

[Bebpo]

Obviously both of you seem to have you wires crossed. She may seem to think you only want to meet her for a booty call or she's just choking your chain as a joke. It depends on what the context is. You want to meet her to get to know her and if that leads to sex so much the better. You should seek a therapist.

I don't get that last bit.  Isn't it normal behavior to want to see someone to get to know them more and if it leads to sex then, hey that's cool too.  How does that lead to a therapist? 

[Smooth Groove]

Bebpo, why do you want to have such a strong emotional attachment when you're just starting on your law career? 

[Bebpo]

Because even though I'm happy when I'm not in love/like, it's like on my own I'm 9/10 happy when there's no relationship drama and I'm just living for myself.  But when I'm going crazy over a girl IF things are going well it's a 10/10 happy, though when things are bad it's a 2/10.  I like the feeling of falling for someone; the endorphins or whatever that are released are addicting and it's an incredible high.  Once I'm in the state I don't want to go back to living life without that feeling.

I don't need to be in a relationship or have any attachment right now.  This is just a special situation because every 1-2 years I run into someone that I fall for and then that's just what happens.  I'm sure once I finally cut this girl off and have a month of depressive recovery, I probably won't get emotionally attached to anyone for another 1-2 years again.  It's rare that I run into someone who makes me attach easily since I'm reaaaaaaaaally picky with falling for girls.  I have a huge checklist of dealbreakers and finding someone online who doesn't have them and physically attracts me and mentally attracts me is friggen tough.  I mean I'm 29 and I've only met 3 girls in my life that I've felt about.  Most girls just don't make me feel anything.

Otoh, I have no interest in hook ups, so if I don't want to be in any emotional attachment situation at this point in my life, well then I'm basically going off women until I change my mind on that.

[Phoenix Dark]

way too many words. Just tell me: you fucking on the regular or not?

[Fresh Prince]

It leads to a therapist because you are not that simple tbh.

[Bebpo]

way too many words. Just tell me: you fucking on the regular or not?

With this girl?  Not.  If there was some sort of mutual agreement of regularity this might have actually worked at least in the short term.  But no, it's like everytime I want to see her it's like asking her out for the first time and getting spun around in circles; we have nothing, that's the reality of it.  The only reason there was any fucking is because if for some reason we do meet at the same place, same time, we hook up because she thinks I'm hot and I think she's pretty.  But she makes no effort to actually get us to the same place at the same time, and in fact seems to make effort to avoid that since she shoots down my invitations to hang out on nights.

[Bebpo]

I mean conversation tonight was basically (not word for word):

Me: lalala funny teasing invite to hang out after work; I'll bring the wine and the massage hands
Her:  hahahaha, you're too much or too horny
Me: Maybe a bit of both   Funny funny are we on then?
Her: If you're looking for hot sex (let's be honest hehehe), I can't tonight.  Girl week
Me: No problemoo.  Offer still stands if you're interested   Your company is good enough :p
Her:  Awww, your super sweet.  But it's late and I'm tired and feeling antisocial.
Me:  kk, good night.
Her: Thanks.  You too

It's a normal conversation.  Very logical.  Nobody did anything wrong.  But that's how most of my invites go; she is nice and polite and sort of leading on, but shoots meeting up down.  Occasionally we do meet up and then have a good time hanging out + hooking up.  But that's getting rare-ish.  So I just need to BAIL OUT of this completely, because it's tearing my heart apart  

[Bebpo]

And I always set myself up for these falls because I like to do elaborate stuff for my dates because that's just who I am.  Like I went and got flowers in her favorite color and picked out a bottle of wine that I wrapped the flowers around and I took a shower, groomed, got dressed in some nice proper attire. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

watched a few videos on learning some new massage techniques to improve my massage skills

[close]

  Since it was going to be last minute, I wanted to make sure everything was ready so I could shoot on over if the date was on.  So now I have some flowers that are going to die in a day or two and a bottle of wine to drink alone :|

PS. and to come back to reality, I am perfectly aware that even if the date had happened, the flowers, sharing a bottle of wine, a massage, whatever, would have been cute for the moment but mean nothing in the long run because she doesn't care about me and none of that stuff will change her mind.  I just do it anyhow because that's me.  Last time we met up I showed up at her door with some fresh chocolate chip cookies because it was around dinner time and I knew she hadn't had a chance to eat and she loves chocolate chip cookies.  Whenever I go on dates with someone I actually CARE about, I always put in effort to make each time we see each other unique.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Youre overanalyzing everything and yourself and your feelings especially.

Let go a bit

[etiolate]

it does sound like you're overanalyzing

Just takes whats coming to you and think about it if it feels the need for serious thought.

[Bebpo]

Youre overanalyzing everything and yourself and your feelings especially.

Let go a bit

I think you're right.

I just don't know how to do what you're saying.  Drink?

[Himu]

You use your left brain too much. Chill, relax, enjoy life, eat pussy.

[Mupepe]

Jesus.  No wonder she fucks with you.  You're way too neurotic.  I'd mess with your mind too.

By the way, isn't this what you what you wanted?  The big chase!  The drama!  Oh.  You thought she'd give in by now or what?  Just move on, buddy.

[Mr. Gundam]

And I always set myself up for these falls because I like to do elaborate stuff for my dates because that's just who I am.  Like I went and got flowers in her favorite color and picked out a bottle of wine that I wrapped the flowers around and I took a shower, groomed, got dressed in some nice proper attire. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

watched a few videos on learning some new massage techniques to improve my massage skills

[close]

  Since it was going to be last minute, I wanted to make sure everything was ready so I could shoot on over if the date was on.  So now I have some flowers that are going to die in a day or two and a bottle of wine to drink alone :|

PS. and to come back to reality, I am perfectly aware that even if the date had happened, the flowers, sharing a bottle of wine, a massage, whatever, would have been cute for the moment but mean nothing in the long run because she doesn't care about me and none of that stuff will change her mind.  I just do it anyhow because that's me.  Last time we met up I showed up at her door with some fresh chocolate chip cookies because it was around dinner time and I knew she hadn't had a chance to eat and she loves chocolate chip cookies.  Whenever I go on dates with someone I actually CARE about, I always put in effort to make each time we see each other unique.

Ok...

1. You're not a couple. You keep referring to your "whatever" with this girl as one. You're not. It's pretty obvious.
2. Wrapping flowers around a bottle of wine for a girl who doesn't want to be with you? You might think it's romantic, but it's probably awkward and uncomfortable for her.

You've got a very idealized version of dating, love and romance. Not that it's bad thing, but you need to know when to tone it down.

[Van Cruncheon]

never in my entire dating history did i make anything even approximating the sort of absurd romantic gestures you're making. in fact, it would have seemed pretty creepo if i did! DEPENDENT MUCH? my more astute dates might have asked

[Mupepe]

I see he still hasn't explained why he cares about this girl.  He admits they barely talk, rarely see each other and both want totally different things. 

[Van Cruncheon]

cookies and wine bottles with flowers are what you make when you're NEWLYWED, or when you wanna get back in your wife's good graces after you washed her favorite jacket with Tide w/ bleach. you're doin' that shit WAY too early in your relationship, which is totes creeper. at this point, the occasional "thinkin' about you" call or flirty gesture is MUCH more appropriate.

[Mupepe]

cookies and wine bottles with flowers are what you make when you're NEWLYWED, or when you wanna get back in your wife's good graces after you washed her favorite jacket with Tide w/ bleach. you're doin' that shit WAY too early in your relationship, which is totes creeper. at this point, the occasional "thinkin' about you" call or flirty gesture is MUCH more appropriate.

and in reference to this girl, I think she sees it as a "control me like your puppet" tattoo on his forehead.

[Van Cruncheon]

I see he still hasn't explained why he cares about this girl.  He admits they barely talk, rarely see each other and both want totally different things. 

hate to pull out the cliche, but his expectations for the early beginnings of a relationship are at sore disconnect with what a successful reality might look like. he's going from HI WE MET YOU'RE KINDA HOT, LET'S MAYBE FUCK to OMG OMG LET'S DO ALL THE CUTE COUPLE THINGS NEWLYWEDS IN THE THROES OF LIMERENCE DO without the whole LET'S DO THE FIGURE-EACH-OTHER-OUT DANCE phase of six months to a year.

[Mupepe]

yep.  like I said before, an ideal/robotic way of looking at human relationships that seems to stem from too many rom-coms and dramas.

[Bebpo]

Hmmm, maybe I rush things a bit much.  I've always felt the romance-y gestures were what you do pre-relationship because that's when it's all new and exciting to both people.  From my few relationship experiences, once I actually get in a stable relationship, much of the fun and excitement and romance dies away because you start to know everything about each other and the mystery is gone.

And yes, it's true I learned everything I know about romance and dating from hollywood because uh, when you grow up, where else are you supposed to learn it?  I see how the heroes do things in film and get inspired to be like them.

[Himu]

Picking a random flower in the park is far more romantic and thoughtful than any random bouquet of flowers anyways. Picking a flower shows consideration. Buying flowers shows you hold money as a high esteem.

In any case, this relationship you two have is broke and can't be fixed. There is no future. Move on.

[Mupepe]

That's exactly why the romantic gestures are needed when you're stable in the relationship.  Surprise her with those things.  That makes her day and it means something because she knows you.  You're just some guy right now.  It means nothing.

[Himu]

Exactly. If you aren't even official, why are you buying her flowers? That's like saying "I love you" or talking about marriage on the second date.

[Bebpo]

Because it's a nice way of saying, "hey, I actually listen to your likes/dislikes and want to surprise you with something you like to brighten your day a little" as a friendly gesture?

I see he still hasn't explained why he cares about this girl.  He admits they barely talk, rarely see each other and both want totally different things. 

To answer this simply, she's cute.

End of story.