Congrats Rocko!
Way to go young blood!
And tiesto, bail the fuck out. Next thing you know you'll be with her at a bar at closing time, and the employees finish their chores and sit down at the bar waiting for you both to finish your drinks, then one employee starts flipping the channels on the TV. She'll let out a shrill "GO BACK GO BACK!!" Everyone turns slowly toward her. She's on the edge of her seat, hands on the bar. "Go back to the horses!" The employee flips back a few channels and finds a horse show of some sort. They're trotting and jumping and what not.
"NICE HAUNCHES!! NICEEEEEE OOOOOH LOOK AT THAT TROT!! GO HORSEY GO!!! OOH LOOK AT THEM HAUNCHES!! OH THE FORM OF THAT ONE!!"
For 30 minutes straight. In those 30 long minutes, you slowly transition from pretend-interested in order to guarantee laid-dom down to basically drinking alone trying to find a way to rid yourself of this bitch, completely embarrassed by the fact that every employee in the restaurant is witness to this insane behavior by your date while they stare you down wishing you'd get the fuck out.
spoiler (click to show/hide)
That guy dumped her after that, but she did continue to come into the restaurant several times a week in full horse-riding gear. Her name from that day forward was and will forever be Haunches. Fuck I don't miss crazy customers I had to be nice to.